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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has long been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and key events, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to find out that a prominent writer Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet at his home. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, the Italian striker visited a nearby college to access the restrooms during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he had entered the sodden beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Merely one possibility emerged. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of a stadium facing demolition. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

Consequently, Keegan quit, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I struggled to occupy my time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Real-Time Coverage

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for women's football cup news from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, premier athletes, inspirations, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem named ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to take care of the first team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|